Private Wedding Vows: A Beautiful Way to Share Your Heart Before the Ceremony

There’s something undeniably magical about the moments before a wedding ceremony. The air is thick with anticipation, nerves are buzzing, and love feels almost tangible. But what if I told you there’s a way to make those quiet, intimate moments even more special? For couples looking for a deeply personal alternative to traditional vows, private wedding vows offer a unique opportunity to connect on a level that’s just for the two of them.

I recently had the privilege of filming a wedding where the bride and groom chose to exchange heartfelt letters containing their private vows before the ceremony. They read these words to themselves, savoring every sentence as they prepared to walk down the aisle. It reminded me how powerful it can be to carve out a moment like this—just for you two. These private vows before the ceremony became a quiet cornerstone of their day, setting the tone for everything that followed.

In this article, I’ll share more about why this alternative approach might resonate with you, how it can add depth and meaning to your wedding day, and why capturing these raw, unfiltered moments on video can become one of your most cherished memories.

Why you should consider private wedding vows

For some couples, standing at the altar and reciting vows in front of friends and family feels like the ultimate expression of love. But let’s be honest—not everyone thrives under the spotlight. If the thought of pouring your heart out in front of your family and friends makes your palms sweat, private vows might be the perfect solution. Here are a few reasons why couples are embracing this alternative:

• Less Pressure, More Authenticity: Writing and sharing vows can feel overwhelming when you know all eyes are on you. By keeping them private, you permit yourself to say exactly what’s in your heart without worrying about judgment or forgetting your words mid-sentence.
• A Moment Just for You Two: Weddings are beautiful, but they’re also busy. Between greeting guests, taking photos, and sticking to the timeline, it’s easy to lose sight of what the day is really about—you and your partner. Exchanging private vows creates a sacred pause, allowing you to focus solely on each other before the whirlwind begins.
• Perfect for Introverts (or Anyone Nervous About Public Speaking): Not everyone feels comfortable baring their soul in front of a crowd—and that’s okay! Private vows let you express your deepest emotions in a safe and authentic way.
• Keeps the Ceremony Short & Sweet: Some couples prefer to keep their ceremony concise, reserving their most personal sentiments for a private exchange beforehand. This allows them to enjoy the public celebration while still honoring their commitment meaningfully.

Whether you’re nervous about speaking publicly or simply want to create a memory that belongs only to the two of you, private vows offer a unique way to connect on a deeper level.

Related Article: How to Turn Your Wedding Vows into Beautiful Keepsakes

How to incorporate private wedding vows into your day

If the idea of private vows resonates with you, here are a few creative ways to make it happen:

• Letter Exchange Before the Ceremony: Like Sarah and James, you can write your vows in the form of letters and exchange them before getting ready. Reading them alone gives you time to process your emotions and start the day with a profound sense of connection.
• First Look + Vow Reading: Combine your first look with a vow reading. After seeing each other for the first time, take a few moments to read your private vows aloud to one another. It’s a beautiful way to deepen the intimacy of the moment.
• Recorded Messages: If you’d rather hear your partner’s voice than read their words, consider recording audio or video messages of your vows. You can listen to them separately before the ceremony or play them back together during a quiet moment.
• Private Moment After Getting Ready: Set aside a few minutes right after you’ve finished getting ready to sit together and read your vows aloud. This works especially well if you’re not doing a first look but still want a private moment together before the ceremony.
• Post-Ceremony Reflection: For couples who want to include traditional vows during the ceremony, consider writing a second set of private vows to read afterward. Whether it’s during your reception or once you’re alone after the big day, this gives you another chance to reflect on your promises to each other.

No matter which method you choose, the goal is to create a moment that feels true to you and your relationship. There’s no right or wrong way to do it—it’s all about finding what speaks to your heart.

Example of private wedding vows

Kiarna and Owain were nervous about sharing their vows aloud in front of their guests, so they chose to exchange private wedding vows instead. They wrote heartfelt letters to each other, which they read to themselves before the ceremony.

To ensure their words could still be part of their wedding film, I had them read their vows aloud with just a microphone—no camera, no pressure. This approach allowed them to express their deepest emotions in a way that felt safe and natural. The recorded audio became a powerful addition to their film, capturing the raw beauty of their private promises to one another.

Related Article: 5 Beautiful Ways to Frame Your Private Wedding Vows

Will private vows make my ceremony boring?

It’s natural to wonder if choosing private wedding vows might take away from the emotional impact of your ceremony. After all, many couples worry that saving their most heartfelt words for a private moment could leave their guests feeling disconnected—or worse, bored. But here’s the truth: private vows don’t diminish the ceremony—they enhance it.

Think of it this way: your wedding day is made up of countless moments, each with its purpose and energy. The ceremony is a chance to celebrate your love with your community, while private vows are an opportunity to connect deeply with your partner in a way that’s just for you two. These two experiences don’t compete—they complement each other.

Here’s why private vows won’t make your ceremony boring:

• The Ceremony Still Shines: Even if you’ve already shared your most personal sentiments privately, the act of exchanging rings, saying “I do,” or reciting simpler vows at the altar is inherently powerful. Your guests don’t need to hear every detail of your love story to feel the significance of the moment—they’ll see it in your eyes, your smiles, and the way you hold each other’s hands.
• You’re More Present: One of the biggest benefits of private vows is that they allow you to fully immerse yourself in the ceremony without worrying about getting emotional in front of everyone. When you’ve already expressed your deepest feelings beforehand, you can focus on enjoying the celebration and soaking in the support of your loved ones.
• It Adds Layers to Your Day: A wedding isn’t just one big event—it’s a series of meaningful moments that build on each other. By adding private vows to the mix, you’re creating another layer of intimacy and intentionality that enriches the entire experience. Trust me, your guests won’t miss what they don’t know about, but you’ll treasure the secret connection you share.

Ultimately, your ceremony doesn’t have to be “boring” or “exciting”—it just has to feel authentic to you as a couple. And if private vows help you feel more grounded, confident, and connected, they’ll only add to the magic of the day.

Final thoughts about private vows

Photos in this article courtesy of Ben & Hope Photography
Venue: Cedar Creek Winery & Estate